Troubleshooting and tears
I know, it seems a bit weird to mention troubleshooting in a blog about running. But, like most things in life these days, even our running schedules hit snags and need a good system reboot every now and again.
I’m in the homestretch of my half marathon training for my second half marathon of the year. This one is up in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and runs on June 3rd.
This race is so important to me. I chose to run this one for one specific reason.
He lives up in Minneapolis and is quite the seasoned veteran of their road races in the area and beyond. I really wanted to run a distance race that he could come out and watch, cheer me on to the finish, and celebrate with me. He understands. He gets it. He used to be a runner. At the age of 90, he can still walk a (surprisingly) hilly 5K in less than an hour. I can listen to his tales of marathons, half marathon’s and shorter races all day. He’s a great story teller. But he was also a great runner.
And while I have been fantastic about making sure I get my runs in according to my training app on my iPhone, this week…I have done very little running. This week and next week are the two most important weeks when it comes to the training program. This week, the mileage is high, and next week…the taper. So getting these runs in and getting those miles in are very important.
And on Monday, when I was to run 5 miles…I did nothing. My legs were tired from running two races over the weekend and doing a 9 mile run on Sunday for my long run. So…I took the day off. Not something I like doing, but rain was moving in so going out to Louisville for my fun run was not looking like an option. Tuesday was three miles and I ticked those off in good fashion. Yesterday was to be my yoga for cross-training. I have started running to and from my class now that it is light out and the weather is awesome. But…I’ve had a bad week…so…I didn’t go. I wasn’t feeling it. I got overheated at the office and just felt drained and under-the-weather. So…I nixed not only a run, but my cross-training as well.
And then I got mad at myself for it. Really angry. I started to cry, and when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told her I felt like I wasn’t giving my all to this. Here is one of the most important half marathons that I’ve been training for…and I’m failing on my training! It made me really upset. I should be at 13 miles of running by the end of today. I’ll probably have 6 miles. Which leaves me 7 miles short for the week when all is said and done. I don’t like that. I don’t like that sort of deficit.
But…it happens, yes? We all have bad days. And, let’s face it…this has just been a bad, bad week. Am I a failure for not getting in those miles? No. Do I feel like one? Yes.
It’s all mental. It’s all in my head. I just have it in my heart to run the hell out of this race. I just want to do something brilliantly for once. And since I’ve read how hilly this course is…I really want to be prepared to take on this hills and do it without slowing down…too much. I want this…for myself…and for my grandpa.
And I think that’s why I’ve been so hard on myself about this. And that’s why it upsets me to no end that I’ve come short on my training runs this week. Will it affect my run overall? Probably not. But I’ve put a lot of time and energy into training and I just want to do it to the best of my ability.
So…this week I’m coming up a little short. It happens, right? It’s hard to tell a passionate runner that it happens when they look around and see people logging those miles despite what may be going on in their life. I’m not a failure by any sense of the word. I’m just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I’ve become so blasé about training right for this race.
I guess the fact that it has upset me so much doesn’t mean that I don’t care. Crying about missed runs doesn’t solve anything. Getting out there and running does. So…next time I’ll lace up instead of curling up on my bed and having a cry-fest.
The culmination of a horrible week has pretty much been the reason for this. I can pinpoint it. But…damn…it’s hard to bounce back from that. But I’m going to. And in the end, I’m going to run that half marathon strong and make my family proud…no matter when I cross that finish line.